Ancient Romans with the benefits of modern technology practiced skin care with a combination of mudpacks, massages and marathon poker games. Free facial muscles from captivity with today’s Groupon: for RM38, you get a 90-minute skincare package inclusive of facial, eye mask, face massage and face lifting at Sheffield Beauty Cottage in Penang (RM160 value).

Skin shamans determine appropriate treatment based on skin type, needs and positioning of stars in eastern skies. Patrons with sensitive or acne-prone skin are treated to preliminary infusions of oxygen to calm and sooth raging beasts lurking within epidermal crevices. Increase radiance quotients with whitening treatments, followed by exposure to radio frequency machines to tighten and lift countenances in time for abductions to high gravity alternate universes. The 90 minute process is concluded with anti-wrinkle eye masks, allowing them to glow without corrugated lines.